out of line

being neurotic means i have neurotic friends who plan and worry 40 steps ahead even before they hit square one. in certain contexts, its great-- its allowed many of us to achieve everything we have been set on doing since 17 or 21. When some were merely wondering what they would do in the next year, we would already have our 5 year plan set ahead of us. its helped us be on track and stay on track.

but matters of the heart cannot be so chartered.

been talking to friends who in a flurry of frustration want to finger that self destruct button...even at the cost of losing something they feel is entirely different and meaningful because everyone deems that it is so necessary to define things, or push things along because thats whats suppose to happen next or because simply by their character-- somehow would need progress in order to prove that its real.

but that something is real regardless if it advances... it still feels, it breathes, it chooses to stay and on certain inky nights, it shares and opens itself. and in the flurry of pushing it along, these rare moments may get lost... love cant be alive if its not allowed to grow

there is a distinction between liking someone and liking the process of getting to know someone. each carries its own beauty with its own special tempo. and to change that tempo is essentially to deny step two of the security that step one offers. to change the tempo is to deny that person of their ability to be themselves, to carry their own thoughts and significance and force them somewhere where they are neither comfortable or could be truly themselves.

the questions that you ask would seem senselessly unimportant...if you were me.
...you would want to be where I am, if you knew what it meant, what it felt like with every inch of you... you would understand.

this is where and how i wear my heart. fault me.