the things I'll never say

the feeling of defeat and being shut out. feeling like I came so far and then the door closes. I grasp at the tiny shards as they start cutting me down.

maybe I won't reach it. maybe I won't learn. but I cant stop now when I'm thinking I'm so near that I can taste it.

i cant explain myself.

this one's for you.

Here in this diary,
I write you visions of my summer.
It was the best I ever had.
There were choruses and sing-alongs,
and that unspoken feeling
of knowing that right now is all that matters.
All the nights we stayed up talking
listening to 80's songs;
and quoting lines from all those movies that we love.
It still brings a smile to my face.
I guess when it comes down to it...

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

Breaking into hotel swimming pools,
and wreaking havoc on our world.
Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time.
The black top's singing me to sleep.
Lighting fireworks in parking lots,
illuminate the blackest nights.
Cherry cokes under this moonlit summer sky.
2015 Riverside, it's time to say, "goodbye."
Get on the bus, it's time to go.

Get it right

somehow you've shown me myself at its very best.

keys

i think that on days like this, only music can tellingly reflect how i feel inside. words cant describe or voice can not be telling of the reservations i feel, the simple growing fear of the intangible desire for steady security or knowing the tomorrows. I just have to take solace in this slow melody...as it ebbs, and rises and washes slowly over me. take me with you, i say and i lay me against the darkness and let it speak of everything i'm thinking. the everything inside that it makes so effortlessly evident.

that crushing sense of helplessness pulls at me...demanding defeat.... while the notes wraps around and whispers to me otherwise. its the bridge that recognizes what cannot be pinpointed, cannot be explained...the guarantees i desire that are mere wishes but yet the music so glaringly shows me of what i toil over inside, circles it off and i concede to let all of it escape me.

baby don't stop aspiring me

Back to School Party -- done the 3L way!@J Lounge

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Legally Blonde @ the Pantages

Runs until September 6

Ticket options:

Student discount at $25 pre-order

Rush tickets (purchase at 6 pm at the box office): $25 cash-- better seats than pre-order most of the time--we got W orchestra this time

Back Mezzanine at $25 pre-order

oh my god you guys!

The musical was super fun and peppy and so appropriate!!! Elle Woods is so fab and I'm not ashamed to admit...she's some kind of awesome!!

Magnolia Hollywood is located at
6266 1/2 Sunset Blvd
Hollywood, CA 90028

A cute place for drinks and dinner fare before performances since its within walking distance to the Pantages (approximately 2 city blocks-- extremely doable if youre not in killer heels and plan with time as not to rush). Spinach Artichoke dip was creamy and delectable. I'm pretty particular about the chips that comes with most dips, (not a fan of tortilla chips or some variation of that with a creamy dip as most other places have it come with) so having the pita chips sold me. Sweet potato fries were on point. Entrees were good but may have bordered along standard given the ambiance of the restaurant, TG and I may have expected something more unconventional or experimental with the ingredients or the menu.

Other option:

HOLLYWOOD & HIGHLAND CENTER FREE SHUTTLE

Hollywood & Highland is offering a free shuttle ride to and from all evening performances at the Pantages Theatre for anyone dining at one of their participating restaurant locations: The Grill, Koji's Shabu Shabu, or Trastevere Ristorante Italiano.

more info on the production

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Adorn
Twelve by Twenty One bustier lace overlay grey dress

Urban Outfitters pearl drip earrings

recycled gold headband

Lorac deep gold eyeshadow

Sephora burgandy gold flicked eyeshadow
Darkness accent lashes
MAC SunDust Limited Edition Blush Bronzer
MAC Buoy-o-Buoy Gloss Lipstick
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p.s. Shakira, you are the hottest. Please mentor me. in everything.

dear...god

i am officially and royally and devastatingly...terrified of the bar.

what am i going to do...*whimpers

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i believe in all the things that makes you think of me as so naive. and i'm ok with that.

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GP for Thursday:

Golden Deli for lunch with Joyer
Mall run for the night's ensemble
Get ready
Apt errands
Feminist Jurisprudence 3:10 til 5:10
<3 picked up from class by TG
Dinner
Legally Blonde the musical at the Pantages
JLounge for some Back to School revelry!!

couldn't ask for more...although I do want a good nite kiss...riightt.....now!

out of line

being neurotic means i have neurotic friends who plan and worry 40 steps ahead even before they hit square one. in certain contexts, its great-- its allowed many of us to achieve everything we have been set on doing since 17 or 21. When some were merely wondering what they would do in the next year, we would already have our 5 year plan set ahead of us. its helped us be on track and stay on track.

but matters of the heart cannot be so chartered.

been talking to friends who in a flurry of frustration want to finger that self destruct button...even at the cost of losing something they feel is entirely different and meaningful because everyone deems that it is so necessary to define things, or push things along because thats whats suppose to happen next or because simply by their character-- somehow would need progress in order to prove that its real.

but that something is real regardless if it advances... it still feels, it breathes, it chooses to stay and on certain inky nights, it shares and opens itself. and in the flurry of pushing it along, these rare moments may get lost... love cant be alive if its not allowed to grow

there is a distinction between liking someone and liking the process of getting to know someone. each carries its own beauty with its own special tempo. and to change that tempo is essentially to deny step two of the security that step one offers. to change the tempo is to deny that person of their ability to be themselves, to carry their own thoughts and significance and force them somewhere where they are neither comfortable or could be truly themselves.

the questions that you ask would seem senselessly unimportant...if you were me.
...you would want to be where I am, if you knew what it meant, what it felt like with every inch of you... you would understand.

this is where and how i wear my heart. fault me.

beauty in the breakdown

let me be the different one.

summer is wrapping up and its pretty bittersweet. tomorrow will be my last day at work since I start school monday. As much as I am so ready for school and enjoying the long stretches of time to study and not study, this summer, not just simply summer, will be missed and much thought about.

work was an amazing opportunity that provided much of the meat that school just cant supplant. i opened myself to a new area of law and definitely fell in love with it. employment law provided me the drama of torts with the public interest aspect that I really need to vest myself in the work I would do on the behalf of those seeking legal help. i had amazing supervising attorneys who helped me realize my weaknesses and turn them into potential. i got to draft and write an extensive amount which allowed me to really have what i study gelled to real world application. i am thankful to have had fun ass coworkers, amazing mentors in the attorneys I worked for and the opportunity to affirm that my studies will pay off in the long run.

i promised myself that this summer would signal a time of saying yes to almost everything i ever wondered, wanted or desired. not in a reckless way...but in that discover the wonder in order to make it the known kinda way.

to trust and believe in the friendships and the love around me without question or doubt or sacrifice. but to accept that life is beautiful and when you let it in...it consumes you... to stop the planning and worrying and just be. to find that the things worth having, are the things worth waiting for. hands steady with your heart ready.

learning that there's so much to learn. so much new that awaits with so much to still have, live and consume and still with the energy and passion to pursue it.

i am lucky.

perfect

listen here! fireflies - owl city

i had one of those red computer things in the video

theS: that's how et phoned home

see you had toys that aliens could use for interstellar communications

I had nothing

you were balling out of control

theS: I wanted that so bad

you had no idea

I hate you now

cuz you had one

me: wow

zephyr

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -anais nin

Lover

  

  

Sunday Mornings

The Pisces Woman

Delicate, exquisitely feminine and a genuine princess through and through. Pisces women never have to worry about the lack of adoring suitors. Perhaps, it’s something in the air when they’re around you. Maybe it’s the wide eyed innocence that sets them apart. Whatever the case may be, make no mistake, a Pisces woman is every man’s fantasy come alive. Pure and sweeter than sweet, she will melt hearts easily and often.

Pisces women know how to make the man in their life feel as though he can do no wrong. She will defend him, protect him and nurture him, as no other. She will allow him to be in control and not think twice about doubting his final decision. After all, the confidence in her man is not imaginary, she really believes he will conquer whatever trials come his way. If you’re lucky enough to have this beauty by your side, she will inevitably push you to new heights of achievement, just by the melody of her sweet words.

Conversation with a Pisces woman is serene and dream-like. She will conjure up images of lazy Sunday mornings curled up in bed while you both share childhood memories. She will be your biggest fan and loudest cheerleader, sharing every winning accomplishment as if it were her very own.

But alas, the Pisces Woman has her melancholy side too. Sarcasm can sneak up on you with a Pisces Woman but only after the ominous words “I do” have been proclaimed. She will be sometimes moody but will always pull herself together before heated conflict can gain any momentum. Her thoughts are scattered and naïve, and sometimes her ramblings will leave you confused, but eventually her point will come across loud and clear.

The Pisces Woman is created to breeze into your life and create a starry existence full of laughter and romance. Her sensitivity and charm are bountiful. Her mystery is from deep within. A Pisces woman is to be held close to your heart and cherished. She is incredibly sentimental and her love for you is forever sincere and true.

-------------I hope so!

laughter=instant vacation